Author's Note:  (Yeah, I do these, sometimes.)

Dear "*&&@",

Allow me to post your review for the eyes of all before:

"Contrary to some stupid rumours, Tien and Chaozou are NOT gay. Tien has a girlfriend, okay? She LIVES with him! She just got cut out of the North America version. There. I think I've made my point. Also, how many Chaozous ARE there in this story? How can Piccolo eat him every day? Funny, sort of."  

    Well, thanks for saying it is funny, but let me clear something up.  It is MY FANFIC, MY RULES.  Maybe I want to say that Lunch never existed.  But I know she did.  But, in this story, emphasize the DID. 

    One day, Tien was off training.  Chaozou had a cold and Lunch was watching over him.  She leaned down to check his temperature and he ate her.  He had been jealous of Tien liking her more that him.  Tien never did figure out what happened.

    See, I explained it away.  Now, I am not saying that Tien is homosexual.  I am saying that Chaozou and all Chaozou-jins* are devils, craving attention from whoever their master is!

*Chaozou-jin:  Chaozou's race, they all act and look exactly the same.  One of a Saiya-jin's favorite foods, also appeals to Nameks.  They tend to get killed frequently, and must be replaced by buying another for 40 cents, usually at a gas station.

“Kakkorratt, let me go!” Vegita wailed.  Goku just kept on flying, completely oblivious to the hurting Vegita.  Goku was holding a leash in his hand, which was attached to Vegita’s neck.  Vegita was trying to keep up, but falling behind.  Goku was going as fast as he could.  Vegita was now being choked.

“Man, he looks bad,” a medic said.  The ambulance was on the way to the pet hospital.  Piccolo was on life-support.

“He better die!” Tien said.  “He ate Chaozou!”

“I hear that stuff is really good this time of year,” the medic said.  Tien sent him to HFIL.  The driver kept on going.

“What?” Bulma asked.  She was on the phone with the animal hospital.  Piccolo had just been taken into the emergency room.  Bulma was still nursing her wounds from the bath battle.  “I will be right down!”

    Goku landed in front of a little shack in the woods.  He dragged Vegita in and threw the prince onto the ground.

“Let me go!” Vegita shouted.

“Hmm…my new pet smells bad,” Goku said.  Vegita’s mouth dropped open at what Goku had called him.

“Kakkorratt, you let me go,” Vegita said in a calm, nervous voice.

“I don’t have a bath tub!” Goku sighed.  “Oh, well!  Sand paper it is!”  Goku took a piece of the material to Vegita’s face, scrubbing VERY hard.  Vegita roared in pain but couldn’t escape Goku’s grip.

“Scalpel,” a surgeon said.  He went to cut off some hanging flesh from Piccolo, when the Namek regenerated.  The tubes delivering drugs popped out of Piccolo’s arm.

“What the…?” a nurse asked.

    Piccolo stood up and flew out of the room.  He knocked down several nurses on the way.

“Vegita, where are you?” Piccolo screamed.

“Kakkorratt, I beg you!” Vegita weakly said.  But Goku didn’t listen.  Vegita again roared as another flesh wound formed.  Sure, the sand paper on the face hurt.  But a branding iron…between the legs?  Vegita had never screamed so loud.

    As Piccolo ran down the halls, the drugs started to take affect.  His increased heart-rate only helped the process more.

“Stop!” a security guard called.  Piccolo ran right into the man, knocking him over.  The Namek continued on, nearly crushing a Chaozou-jin.  He stopped.

“Don’t hurt me,” the Chaozou-jin quivered.

“Hey, move it!” Bulma shouted.

“Shut up, lady!” the man replied.

“Crap!” Bulma shouted.  Traffic was jammed for miles, all because of this jerk.  She opened the glove box, and pulled out one of Vegita’s favorite books, How to Annoy the HFIL Out of All Things Living, and Eventually Bend Them To Your Will, and How to Kill People With Words.  She flipped to the quick-guide.

“Kakkorratt!” Vegita cried.  His tears were soaking Goku, but he didn’t seem to mind.  Vegita thrashed about further, but Goku just tightened his grip.  Goku flipped the power on, and the clippers came to life.

“You are going to look just like a poodle, my pet!” Goku exclaimed.

    The guards were shooting tranquilizers, bullets, beanbags, and old women.  But nothing was working.  Piccolo sat in the Chaozou-jin ward, eating all of the little things.

“You stinking, Baka, low-life, ugly, hideous, Piccoloic, Chaozou-like, butt-ugly, baka-scum that grows in Bulma’s food, Kakkorratt wannabe, move!” Bulma read from the book.  She looked up, happy to see that the man blocking traffic was stuck in a tree and his pet narwhal had moved out of the road.

“Uh…go on ahead,” a motorist said.  Bulma drove on, having the highway all to herself.

“Man, Chaozou-like, that is hard!” a motorist said.

“Kakkorratt wannabe?  I though that was reserved for politicians!” someone else said.

“She insulted her own cooking,” someone said.  “Very accurately, might I add.”

“Say that a BIT louder, so she can kill you!” someone said.

    Vegita had no choice but to comply.  No choice at all.  This was the ultimate torture.  Nothing had ever done this much damage to his pride.  Nothing.

“What in the heck happened?” Bulma asked.  No one said anything, for they were to busy lifting Piccolo into the air-car.  The Namek was VERY large now, and his stomach occasionally jumped from a suffering Chaozou-jin.

    It had hurt when he did this through the city.  But who knew that he had a cell-phone.  Now, sitting in front of Capsule Corporation was everyone that Vegita knew, most of whom had video cameras.  ESPN was there, doing a live broadcast.  And of course, Piccolo was laughing himself stupid.

    Goku whistled and Vegita sat up, his stomach facing the audience.  Flashes went off everywhere.  Vegita did the next part and jumped through a hoop that Goku was holding.

    Vegita was naked, except for underwear, his brand clearly reading, “Goku’s Pet” visible near his clothing line.  His hair, his beautiful hair, was shaved except for a little puff in the middle of his head.  A fake tail had been stapled to his rear and made to look like a poodle’s.  He had on a heavy pink collar and a chain leading to Goku’s hand.  Pink bows were welded to metal implants that Goku had given Vegita, making the Saiya-jin look like a pink bush.

“Everyone like my pet?” Goku asked.  There was applause.  “One more thing.  Say it, PET.”

“My new name is…Loretta,” Vegita mumbled.  Goku led Vegita off of the course, the memories of the tricks burning in Vegita’s mind.