“Vegeta, Christmas is exactly one week away,” Bulma casually commented.

    Vegeta jumped up from the couch and exploded into the second level of the Super Saiya-jin.  “If you are even contemplating thinking about what I don’t want you to do, I am so going to send this planet to its death!” Vegeta shouted.  

“You are doing exactly what I say!  No and, if, but, or, or energy arguments!” Bulma boomed.  “But I wasn’t going to make you clean.  Just thought I would tell you.”  She marched off.

“This is going to be another extremely evil stretch of time,” Vegeta muttered.  “The time when Santa returns to kill me.”  He plopped back down on the couch and returned to his normal form.  “Very long week ahead.”

    Several minutes later, young Bra jumped into her dad’s lap.

“Daddy!  Here is my Christmas list!  I want Santa to get me everything on it!” the little girl said.  “Give it to Santa, please!”  She handed Vegeta a stack of papers some three feet in height.

“Certainly my princess,” Vegeta replied.  “And if that fat man does not comply with your every wish, rest assured that the North Pole will become a far less hospitable place than it already is.”  Vegeta smirked.

“Hey, mind giving the big man my list?” Trunks asked.  He tossed a paper airplane at Vegeta.  Vegeta opened it up to see a list of only a few items.

“Trunks, allow me to explain something to you, something that every Saiya-jin father needs to tell his son at one time or another,” Vegeta said.  “No.”

“But dad!” Trunks pleaded.

“You did not obey me.  Kakkorratt’s house was not vandalized every night as I requested,” Vegeta growled.

“Dad!  Goten lives there!  That is mean!  And besides, Gohan and Goku would march over here and beat you…” Trunks said.

“Boy, shut up!” Vegeta boomed.  “I am your god!  You will do exactly as I say or suffer!”

“Vegeta, get him everything he wants or I will make you clean the toilet with your tongue yet again,” Bulma chimed in.

“Yeah, mom!” Trunks cheered.

“Boy, consider yourself lucky,” Vegeta snarled.

“Bulma,” Vegeta burst into the kitchen.  “I am going to go buy the children their gifts.”

“Why?” Bulma asked.

“Santa Claus is not bringing the children presents,” Vegeta responded.

“Don’t you believe in Santa?” Bulma asked.

 “I know that he is real, but I have some problems with him.  First, that tub of lard will not get Bra everything she wants.  Secondly, if Evil Claus even steps foot on this property, the citizens of this fine city will have venison meals for the next month and we will have a fat mantle piece.”

“Aren’t you in a good mood?” Bulma asked.  She gave Vegeta a kiss and a credit card.  “Don’t kill anyone.  It is the holiday season, so be nice.  Let’s see…keep the damage bill below one million dollars this time.  Oh, I love you.”

“I love you too, woman,” Vegeta replied.

    Vegeta stepped into the very busy mall, took in a great breath, and screamed, “All of you out of my way unless you want to die!”  Of course everyone complied.  Vegeta yanked out his shopping list and went on his way.  He was in a good mood.  Maybe he could go the entire trip without destroying a single thing.

“Kids!” Bulma called.  “Let’s get these cookies ready before your dad gets home!”

    Bra and Trunks bolted into the kitchen, each fully ready to work as fast as half-humanly possible.

“Okay, I mixed everything up.  All we need to do is cut them out, decorate them, and cook them,” Bulma said.

“Good, better chance of success,” Trunks snickered.

    Bulma dropped a huge bowl of cookie dough, icing, and cookie-cutters on the kitchen table.

“Hmm…smells good,” Trunks commented.  He scooped a handful of the dough out with his hand, and launched it at his younger sister.  “Flies good, too.”

“And war has been declared,” Bra laughed.  She grabbed a hunk of dough and threw it at her brother.  Trunks went Super Saiya-jin and grabbed even more dough.

“Maybe Vegeta can do this next year,” Bulma thought.  She dodged the projectiles and made her way out of the war zone formerly known as the kitchen.

    Several hours later, Vegeta arrived back at home.  Using his Super Saiya-jin speed, he dashed through the house too fast to be observed.  No one noticed his arrival.  The Saiya-jin locked himself and the gifts in a secret room and began the process of wrapping.

    Vegeta finished his task around midnight.  He decided to grab a bit of food before heading to bed.  What he saw in the kitchen enraged him:  his children were still engaged in a food war.

“Trunks!  You are grounded until you are dead!  You have six seconds to right your wrong, boy!  Bra, here is a present.”  Vegeta carried his daughter and her new toy off to bed while Trunks stared in shock at a wall.

    The next afternoon, as Trunks continued scraping blobs of cookie dough off of the kitchen walls, Vegeta, Bulma, and Bra put the artificial Christmas tree up and pulled out the big box of ornaments.

“Honey, mind untangling these?” Bulma asked, holding up what were certainly several dozen strands of Christmas lights that had been mangled into the form of a ball the size of a fist.

“Here,” Vegeta said.  He took the lights and vaporized them.  “I bought new ones.”

    The three worked well together.  Bulma wound each strand of lights carefully around the tree’s green branches.  Vegeta held his daughter up so that she could hang ornaments.  In a short time the tree transformed into a very beautiful decoration.

“Dad, I am done,” Trunks whispered, collapsing to the floor by his father.

“Good,” Vegeta said.  “Go hang these up outside.”  Vegeta tossed another jumble of lights to his son.  “It better be pretty if you want your coal.”  Trunks sighed and went about the new task.

“Brother has ugly hair,” Bra commented.

“Yes he does,” Vegeta agreed.

“You ever think that a little kindness towards…” Bulma began.

“If he wants to be worthy of leading the Saiya-jin race when I am gone, he better do exactly as I say,” Vegeta growled.

“Freiza did naughty things to you that completely ruined your childhood, huh?” Bulma asked.

“Oh, they were horrible!” Vegeta cried.  He burst into tears.

“Daddy, be happy.  It is Christmas!” Bra said.  Vegeta perked up.

“Still, honey, Trunks deserves some special attention,” Bulma said.  She began whispering a very evil plan into her husband’s ear.  Vegeta smiled big.

    Christmas eve:  the home of Vegeta, Bulma, Bra, and Trunks was beautiful.  Outdoors, a magnificent light display illuminated the yard.  Inside, numerous decorations livened the environment.  At the center of this all was the Christmas tree.

“Okay, everyone, tomorrow is Christmas,” Vegeta said.  “We all better get off to bed so we can open our presents before the sun rises.

“But I want to see Santa!” Bra whined.

“Okay, princess.  You sit here on the couch with me,” Vegeta said.  “Heck!  Let’s all sit here and wait for the evil one.”

“Evil one?” Trunks asked.

“Yes,” Vegeta replied.  “Santa is pure evil.  We can kill him together!”

    The family sat for several hours.  Soon, only Vegeta was awake, so only he heard the noise up on the roof.  He nudged Trunks awake.

“Boy, get up.  We have a job to do,” Vegeta said.

“Wha?” Trunks sleepily asked.

“Just do as I say.  Here is your hand-held ballistic missile launcher.  Your mom thought it might help you help me.”

“Dad, let me sleep.”

“Boy, do as I say!  Santa is coming!  Are you going to sleep while he invades our home, gives you gifts you don’t want, and tries to kill me?” Vegeta asked.

“Kill you?” Trunks burst into the realm of the awake.

“Yes!  Now hide somewhere and arm your weapon!” Vegeta instructed.

    The father and son hid behind furniture.  They had a short wait until Santa fell down the chimney.

“Bra, Bulma, Trunks, and ego-boy,” Santa remarked.  “The home of an evil alien and his family.”

“Die you tub of lard!” Vegeta shouted.  He jumped from hiding and let his machinegun rip.

“Vegeta, you fool!” Santa boomed.  All of the bullets bounced off of him.  Red energy surrounded his fat body.  His white hair turned green and his enormous amount of fat moved through his body and turned into huge muscles.

“No, it can’t be!” Vegeta shuddered.

“I am a Super Santa-jin, Saiya-jin.  You can’t harm me, weakling,” Santa growled.

“Trunks!  Hit him with a missile or ninety of them!” Vegeta shouted.  Trunks pressed a button and a huge nuclear missile shot at Santa.  Santa let it hit him, resulting in a massive explosion that failed to damage the house.  When the dust cleared, Santa was unharmed.

“No!” Vegeta shouted.  He went SSJ2.  He charged Santa and knocked the man out of the house.  “You die, Santa!”  Vegeta placed both hands in front of his body.  “Final Flurry!”  A burst of wind shot from Vegeta’s hands to the snow-covered ground.  A wall of snow crashed into Santa.

“Fool!” Santa shouted.  He burst from the snow, four reindeer on each side of him.

“Impossible!” Vegeta shouted.

“Obviously it is not,” Santa remarked.

“Dad, do something!” Trunks pleaded.

“Santa, you once neglected to give Bra everything she wanted for Christmas!” Vegeta shouted.  “I will never forgive you for that!”

“That brat deserves nothing, Vegeta,” Santa commented.

“Oh, that does it pudge boy!  You have pushed me over the edge!  Big Blizzard Attack!”

    Santa and his eight reindeer were knocked over the horizon by Vegeta’s beam of packed snow.  However, Santa, unharmed, flew back to face Vegeta.

“No way!” Vegeta exclaimed.

“Santa!” Goku shouted.  He tackled Santa and began reading off a monstrous Christmas list.  “…and a pony, and a monkey, and a whale, and another monkey, and some food, and some more food, and even more food, and did I mention food…”

“No!  I have been defeated!” Santa bellowed.  He escaped from Goku and ran for the horizon.

“Kakkorratt, thank you,” Vegeta said.

“No problem, Veggie!” Goku cheerily said.  “He once tried to kill me!  I discovered that method of defeating him after many failed plans.”

    Early in the morning, Vegeta awoke his family.  He led them to the living room where all of the gifts that he had bought for them were placed under the Christmas tree.

“Merry Christmas,” Vegeta said.

“Can we kill this Holiday?  Its mascot is an evil person!” Trunks stated.

“Boy, hush and open!” Vegeta ordered.  “All of you, now!”

“Honey, what did you do to your hair?” Bulma asked.

“Red hair dye plus cotton balls equals built in Vegeta Claus hat,” Vegeta replied.

    And so, Vegeta’s family loved all of the presents they got from Vegeta Claus.